I kiss you and I am (w)hole

not understanding while also understanding fully
slow comprehension (with a side order of quick-release tension)

you shudder into existence around the empty pillow
smelling like the colour of hickeys
sounding like the silence in waking up before the alarm

a soft peace

swelling into worlds we stumble blindly through internet-based fear
the blubbering lips of a spent lover fumble over glitter-covered chicken pox scars. the only residue of pre-pubescent innocence.

(the heaviness of the wireframe makes it slow, weak.
while simultaneously making it the most beautiful .obj in the system.
a non-entity.
only its bones are on show.
free of stretched flesh, we feel sorry for this gaping body.
a disintegrating whole.
its naked structure exists in ignorant bliss, glistening with possibilities
while wrecking my GPU.)

would you rather lose your bones or your muscles? I ask myself this daily. the answer is always the same.

tongues cause friction burns as they scrape along electric bodies.
sparks fly, igniting both my hard drive and my heart. my arteries become wires, I try to ground myself but my screws are loose.
I am hurtling through your own personal cyberspace.

what if plants named themselves? I ask myself this daily. the answer is never the same.

the holes are empty

im sorry I never looked you in the face
it reminded me too much of myself
(she laughed and sent me out for cigarettes)

(ocean dust floats gracefully through the viewport, glinting off light that has been reflected by both human and machine eyes. this pixelated marine snow holds many secrets, it overflows with them, exploding in cosmic light; the static white noise radiation that was vomited out of the big bang’s belly now lies waiting inside our screens

 the blue wheel of death

[rainbows spin in hypnotised minds]
)

synthetic flesh falls into synthetic flesh falls into synthetic skin, synthetic bodies, synthetic emotions.

tumbling through infinity
a broken feedback loop screaming at the top of its shredded lungs

Instructions for drawing a circle: 
do not stand in the middle, you may fall in

wanting you to see me weak
capitalising on my own pain
and the pain of those I love and those who love me
a selfish act
a ((non)selfish) sacrifice

I think of you, it makes me weak. you are so strong. I want to hold you while you sleep, feel your presence melting into mine. plutonic skin on plutonic skin. plutonic flesh on plutonic flesh. you are my sister and you break my heart. I wish I could carry your pain. lighten the load. I cannot put you into words. how much I need you. how much I ache for you.

things building into other things
stuff pouring out of other stuff
a subtle leakiness
a blinding vagueness

porous entities, porous beings, porous hearts
symbiotic sharers smoke shattered shards of cigarettes

(BUZZWORD BUZZWORD BUZZWORD)

i cannot draw how much i miss sleeping with you. 
it simply cannot be done.

iI kiss you and I am (w)hole.

overromanticised cigarettes hold the pieces of my being together
deep fried brains make deep fried decisions

banana split slippers make me stumble on my words. the words catch in my throat, sharp as razors I am coughing blood made of pixels, their cubic forms make flowers on my grandfather’s pristine white handkerchief. it brings tears to my eyes. they wobble on my waterline but never fall. I have forgotten how to cry.

how do you make a primary colour? I forgot the recipe.

things I crave:

a soft world
a soft space
a safe space

things I receive:

woven lands
fabricated skies
lubricated thighs

swamp water is still and dark, having swallowed the light in its muddy throat

(the words that catch in my throat
never quite reaching my lips
how they make me ache)

poverty rubs against wealth
it is sickening
I am sick
I am powerless in my power
a 21st century coward
I am sorry
but
not enough

image as interface
entering the image
navigating within an image

texture mapping the creases of my heart so that they align (un)perfectly with yours. let me UV unwrap your perfect body, draped in unconfigured wireframe. I tear it apart so untethered vertices scatter the User Interface, flying through infinite space, smashing up mesh.

I assemble you like a jigsaw. each piece pulled painfully from deep inside my mind. you are a complete fabrication built from lost memories.

(love you miss you let me kiss you)